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BDSM Beginners and Newbies

 

Accepting and knowing our tastes

To speak of BDSM, is to speak of an infinity of practices to perform in confidence. It is talking about a universe so wide and diverse that sometimes it is very easy to get lost when we start. Whether we start because we bring these tastes since we were little or we acquired it when we were older, the most important thing when we start is to learn and not forget common sense.
When you start in BDSM most of the time we feel weird, we think we may be sick or we are crazy. Because who in his "healthy judgment" would like to be beaten or, "worse yet", hit someone? All this added to what TV teaches us confuses us and it is when we face a stage of loneliness to think we are the only weirdos. All because of ignorance and scope.

If you are lucky enough to find information and talk with people who already practice, we begin to realize that we are not alone, that there are many people with similar tastes to ours. We understand that having tastes for BDSM does not make us sick, because in fact the practice of BDSM is NOT cataloged as a psychiatric disorder, so the acceptance of our tastes comes.

Once we accept each other, we start with the search, both of a counterpart to "play", and of information to perform the practices correctly. This is where you have to be very careful and be prudent. The first thing to learn is that BDSM practices have to be sensible, safe and consensual and that it is everyone's responsibility to take care of each other in all senses, regardless of the role you identify yourself with.

We must also learn that BDSM practices have their rules and the rules in this case are not always to be broken, because if you break them literally you can leave your life in it. While it is true that all BDSM practices involve an assumed risk, it is also true that these risks can be minimized if done properly, that is why it is so important to be nurtured with readings and it is highly recommended to attend sessions to learn.

You have to understand that BDSM is not just beatings, behind all BDSM relationships there is communication, trust, love and in many cases love.
If you start the search for an occasional or fixed partner, go slowly. Meet the person before session with her. Talk, ask yourself what they want, what they seek, what they can offer. Sincerity.

Once you know what they want and are willing to offer, you have to sit down and make real agreements, forget the fantasy. And please do not forget to set limits. The limits help to have a safer session.

Finally: Deepen, Do not stay with the first thing you read, ask learn, understand and enjoy the whole process; As in any sexual practice the goal of BDSM should always be the pursuit of pleasure.

It is very important that you do not forget when you start in BDSM.
Never do something that you really do not want even to please. It's about having fun and being happy with yourself.

Thanks. This article contains a total-partial extract extracted from the one published on delisexy.com and/or bdsmrevista.com

 

 

Misunderstandings in Society

It would not be strange to find people within the family and / or friendships who, given a comment in confidence about our foray and / or passion for the BDSM SSC (safe, sensible and consensual), told us true nonsense about it. Mistakenly, showing partial or even total ignorance of the subject, we can sometimes hear misunderstandings such as the following …


1. You are crazy
BDSM is not cataloged as a psychiatric pathology, unless it interferes with daily life to the point of incapacitating the person in its daily development.

2. You need help, I help you pay the psychologist
Once again, BDSM practitioners are not sick and we do not need therapy to be "healthy”


3. So, if you hit your toe, you get excited?
The pain that is obtained through a sado practice is not the same as when we accidentally hit each other. And by the way, not all BDSM practitioners are masochists.


4. So, how can you consider yourself a feminist in the case of women?
One thing has nothing to do with the other. In fact, one of the main goals of feminism is for women to empower their bodies. The submissive are empowered and decide that they want to live their sexuality.


5. Do you suffered child abuse or you were raped?
In fact, the vast majority of those who practice BDSM had very happy childhoods. Abuse is not a determining factor for people to practice BDSM, do not believe Fifty Shades of Gray.

6. Sure is something temporary or fashion, it will pass.
Believe me, if we are commenting it is because it is not something temporary or because of fashion, it is because it is important and is part of the lives of many people.

7. So are you swinger?
In fact, in BDSM, the exchange of partners is not common, although it does occur. In fact the dynamics of the BDSM groups is very different from the SW environment.


8. Do you hurt yourself?
No, we do not really hurt ourselves, in fact we do not even hurt ourselves, what we do we do it for pleasure.


9. When we fuck?
Whoever is a BDSM practitioner does not mean that we are not selective and that we go to bed with half the world. As we all decide how, when and with whom.


10. And ... did you killed someone?
Is seriously? Please stop watching TV!


To all those who prejudge from ignorance, we should tell them that, it is necessary to know what is being talked about in order to have an opinion. For all this if someone confesses that he likes BDSM is because he probably considers it important in his life, no one should ruin it out of ignorance, if you have doubts you have to ask seriously and without judging, especially if it is a topic that is unknown.

Thanks. This article contains a total-partial extract extracted from the one published on delisexy.com and/or bdsmrevista.com

 


Habitual Initial Errors

When we start in any area of life, we always make mistakes, so when we start in BDSM it is just as usual to make mistakes until experience teaches us, which do you have been able to commit?

Error 1. Rushing and accepting a Dominatrix either.
If you start in the BDSM do not accept anyone who calls himself 'Dominatrix' just because he tells you he is. Give yourself time to meet different people before entering into a relationship. Choose, do not settle for the first thing you get.


Error 2. Not knowing your own needs
When entering the BDSM fantasies can be many, but one thing is fantasy and something else you need. Know yourself first, what things definitely could not be missing in your BDSM relationship?

Error 3. Do not set limits.
It is a very common and dangerous mistake to have no clear limits or to leave them in the hands of your playmate. There are things that you may not know and you would like to try, but most of us have hard limits that should definitely be clear. If you do not know about practices, look for information.

Error 4. Not having your own "trousseau"
Many submissives do not have their own toys because they think that it is the obligation of the Dominatrix to provide them. The reality is that it is recommended that everyone has their toys, especially those that have to do with body fluids such as dildos and plugs. Maybe you do not want them to put a toy that has been in other nooks, or if?

Error 5. Confusing BDSM with machismo, misogyny and misandry
BDSM has nothing to do with any of these terms. BDSM is a consensual practice that two mature, responsible adults "play" and in equal circumstances.
The erotic exchange of power is by agreement, never by imposition.

Error 6. Say yes to everything
Being submissive does not force you to accept everything. The agreements are the basis of the BDSM relationships and these can always be modified and, yes, the masters can also say "no" at any time.

Error 7. Do not investigate, do not learn, believe yourself finished product
Each BDSM practice has its safety rules and methods. The more informed you are, the more security you will have and you will be able to give as well. In BDSM, as in everything, you never finish learning.

Error 8. Wanting to eat the BDSM in the first session
The first session can be the door to an exciting and pleasant world, sometimes it is better to plan the session with few or just one practice, instead of wanting to get 40 in a couple of hours. After all, you're just starting to meet you, there's a lot of time!

Error 9. Believe that once you did it right, it will always work out
All the sessions are different, the circumstances change and even the body is more receptive in some occasions. What today could feel good, tomorrow could be that no, do not trust.

Error 10. Getting lost in the role
The role can be part of your personality, but it is rare for you to be your person. Being submissive or dominant in bed or with your partner does not mean you have to be that way in daily life. 

Error 11. Call yourself Switch when you do not know what your role is
Being a switch is a role within BDSM that has nothing to do with a person who is just beginning and learning.
Switch people enjoy both roles and are educated in them. If you are starting and do not know if you are submissive, dominant or switch, you can simply call yourself an explorer.

Error 12. Fall in love
It is a mistake when the game couple clearly told you that they do NOT intend to form a relationship with you and although you have shown them that you are serious you are still in the relationship waiting for them to change.

Error 13. Accept pain when you do not want it. BDSM practices do not necessarily involve pain. So if you do not like it, you do not have to accept it.

 

 

Tips of Interest

 

In my beginnings in the BDSM I read many things that added to some attitudes of BDSM practitioners confused me a lot. So I decided to write some things that I would have liked to be told when I started in BDSM and that over time, sometimes in a bad way, I learned. I hope you serve:

 

1. It is not necessary to be couples-boyfriends-lovers or any of the romantic variants that exist to be able to hold sessions.
All of us who practice BDSM are adults, we are supposed to be able to establish healthy relationships so if you feel like doing a session with someone just for the pleasure of doing it. Do it!

2. It is false that in BDSM relationships there should not be love.
In any BDSM relationship there can be love, it will depend on you if you want to include it or not, but this is a personal decision.

3. It is a myth that if the Dominatrix is happy, the submissive will be happy automatic.
Many reactions of the dominant person with whom you share will make you happy, but it is also true that there will be many that will make you completely unhappy, the question here is that your happiness does not depend on another but on you.

4. It is false that a good submissive or submissive stands out for its delivery. Understanding how delivery to everything says yes.
Submissive delivery is something very nice ... metaphorically speaking. In all that I carry within the BDSM I have NEVER met a submissive who does not protest and does not feel sad when he does not react as he or she expects. I think it is time to redefine the delivery to simply the capacity that TWO people have to reach agreements in actions that satisfy them and make both of them happy and not just one.

5. You DO NOT only exist for him or her.
Romantically speaking, sighing for a dominant person, dedicating yourself to making him happy, thinking at all times about him or her, doing everything he likes and filling your voids with the things he is willing to give you may sound idyllic. But you do not exist for her or him, you exist for you.

6. Your life should not only revolve around your Mistress or your submissive
What is important in your life besides being delivered to your friend or being aware of your submission? Well, I can think of several things like your goals, likes, friends, learning, family.

7. You can stop the session and end the relationship at the time you want.
BDSM relationships are non-unilateral bidirectional. You can stop the sessions and end the relationship at the time you want without having to be "released".

8. You have will and desires at all times.
And you can decide and communicate your needs and your counterpart is obliged to listen to you.

9. It is not normal to be isolated, or to control your contacts.
This is only valid if there is agreement in between ... but still think about why someone wants to isolate you from the people you value.

10. You can set limits and redo agreements at the time you want.

11. You do not need to be a masochist to be submissive and you do not need to be submissive to be a masochist, or sadistic to be Dominant or Dominant to be a sadistic and you can also feel identified with all the roles.

12. After you make a session for the first time with someone you are not lost in love with her or him, you only have an overdose of hormones that make you feel in love.

13. You can be an "independent" submissive and meet with several people and that does not make you less valuable.

Thanks. This article contains a total-partial extract extracted from the one published on delisexy.com and/or bdsmrevista.com

 

 

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